i don't want to have expectations, even for the littlest and most trivialised things because i don't see a point in (hoping for) something at all

simply because life without any window of hope will not cause any glasses of disappointments to shatter. i think life will be easier that way. when you start hoping, and it does not turn the way it is, you will start blaming yourself for being at fault(even when clearly it's not your fault, re: irrational). without hoping, every good/bad things will seem to be purely circumstantial. and when you know things happen because they are beyond your control, and ..............................

oh gosh why does it take so much emotional strain in me just to blog. when you're always trying to find meaning in everything, you're constantly sad