am feeling so fucked up i feel like crying. like for real

everyone has limits and when you've tried your hardest to keep it all together, sometimes, you fail and wither and just... have had enough. i want to cry

it's this particular moment which makes you realise that there is no fucking point in trying. why the fuck try? WHY THE FUCK DO WE TRY? WHY THE HELL DO I KEEP TRYING, THEN FAIL ALL THE SINGLE TIME? i hate this fucking feeling but i still do it because i am numb and heartless. but it's such an irony when these very feelings of nonchalance suddenly well up and tear me apart, because the boulder to withstand all the emotions have broken into tiny fragments of nothingness

i really want to give up, i really do. but somehow, this vicious cycle will turn around and make me cling on to hope. and this very dim ray of hope still burns vicariously within. so i will be back to square one, and the whole cycle repeats itself

but i still try nonetheless. i fucking do try

yet, repeatedly, i fail.