these days, i've been feeling very uneasy. it's like, there is this constant gnawing spasm of hatred at myself. i feel so uncomfortable around myself, at myself. there is this very strong urge to lift up my nose in an elevated motion just to feel at ease. i think i'm mentally retarded. i think i've not loved myself. i think as long as i continue feeling this way, i'll be alone. how can i ever seek love when i don't even love myself? i just don't want to think about it. i want to be happy, because............... i deserve it?

i just don't want to look at guys anymore. guys make me paranoid. omg i hate myself omg slash wrists now sigh hate this feeling i shall sleep it off and wake up with a smile. things will be brighter tomorrow, i shall be my own sun