as i was walking back today, i thought alot about today - how eventful and peaceful i feel within.

i talked to zen about how i really felt. i just had to let it out of my chest, because it was bothering me and i was starting to get paranoid. so yes, i've let my guard down - but not entirely. i've learnt to shield myself these days, and over time, this interior becomes stronger. i don't want to think too much about it for now, i will just go with the flow and live life

i went for tuition, and again, this has always served a purpose for me. it makes me feel that i have a direction/objective. and this is particularly important as this whole aimlessness has weaved subtly into my life ever since i'm jobless, i find myself floating sometimes. it's heartening as well because he has been improving remarkably well(close to full marks for quizzes), considering that he got an E for math in PSLE. it feels like i'm doing something right, and this has inspired me to do even better. i really want to help him, i want to be a change

after tuition, i went over to my cousin's place to visit her and the kids. i don't even know where to start. it's really amazing how kids make you feel. their smiles, and their generous affection towards you if they like you - it just makes you feel that there's still hope in life. we went over to the park, and they kept asking me to run along with them. i felt like a young kid all over again. the playground next, and they were running all over the place. they kept wanting me to carry them, and they took turns every single time. i was exhausted. but they're so adorable, and it feels really great to witness their growth at each phase of their life. i was there when they were first brought to this world, now they're each 3, 6 and 8. it's amazing <3

+++

i wonder why but lately, the extent of my realisation that everything REALLY happens for a reason is just seemingly conspicuous. when people tell me that the reason for doing that particular thing is of no significance, i get really doubtful and suspicious. this air of mystery is just speaking to me with loud pangs, and it gets me curious to really find out. humans are so intriguing sometimes