cry, weep but never wallow.

these days, i've realised that i've been blogging more. this is a positive sign yayers

it was such a dramatic day. i figured out something was amiss in the afternoon(will not further elaborate because i want to forget about it), wanted to bawl my eyes out and literally scream at the top of my lungs - i was just a total wreck. repeatedly, i thank God for blessing me with such awesome friends whom i can easily turn to in moments of despair. i rang up C immediately, poured out my woes and i felt better. sometimes, you just have to let it out of the system and you'd feel liberated from all these tangling webs of complicated shit.

thereafter, i was talking to J about it online. it was just a simple "i feel like crying" and she went like "omg baby why MEET ME NOW". she's so sweet, i love her. we talked alot about it, and she helped me out by rationalising my thoughts and sending a text to the person involved. it was so hard, and i was almost shivering while my heart was palpitating at the speed of sound. that moment was just intense, i hated it. we went deeper by trying to figure out the root problem for both of us(she had some stuffs going on as well) and it was nice. i love my friends, we're always genuine in helping each other out. we never get tired of it <3

J had to go to work, so i met M after that for dinner. M is another amazing friend who would go all out to help his friend. i shared with him about what happened, he gave me his point of view and i really love talking to him because he is so real. he would never hold himself back from his thoughts. that's what i need - someone real who cares enough to tell me the truth, even if the truth hurts. true friend tells you the real deal, and they aren't afraid to do that because of their genuine concern. plus, it was an amazing discourse because he is the sort who would rarely open up but just now, he did. and i felt like this friendship is so rewarding because before he started opening up, he went like, "you are effectively my one and only gay friend" and "omg i've never told this to anyone ever. you're the first". awwww well, obviously he does have other gay friends, but i guess, as we grow up we tend to expect alot from a person whom we regard as a friend so yeah :) like for me, the minimum status quo is good friends. i don't even bother talking to those below that status. i feel that i don't have time for them, or even if i do, it would be better spent on other productive means

i feel good now, much much better than like 1 pm just now :( as i was going back, i was sinking in all the convos i had with my friends - the advices and what i should do. i've rationalised them out and i feel that for now, things are in order. i am more objective and i know what i should rightfully do. i will guard my heart better, and grow up. life goes on :)