yesterday was the release of A level results, and i've been there before - but, it felt so long ago. i don't know how many times i've repeated myself to whoever i talk to; i feel so damn old. with each passing day, this gnawing realisation that i'm a day closer to (death)/(feeling unaccomplished in life) really gets to me. i need to be more useful

i vividly remembered tearing after seeing my results. i felt that i did better than expected, and i was really happy. but, of course, i knew i can do better. i guess the most important lesson in life is to be contented. a limit has to be prescribed, you have to know when is enough. however, it's only human nature to be greedy. what is enough, anyway? yet, i do think it's important to establish this. i feel that without attaining a defined meaning of 'enough', you will never be truly happy. these days, so many people are chasing after (something) unrelentlessly, it's as though they are never contented with what they already have. and it's even sadder when they don't even realise they are actually doing so. everything becomes so meaningless then.

i could go on about this, though i'd prefer having a conversation with someone about this. i would prefer an engaging discussion as opposed to writing(it feels as though i'm talking to a wall)

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when this anxiety grips me hard, i have this urge to resolve it asap by finding a quick solution. it has made me tired and panicky. i need to slowly let it go without dealing with it, maybe by this way, this whole anxiety will dissipate and i'll be free. i hope